Day Seven

Just awoke to the craziest dream ever. A total fucking nightmare, on every level. Would make a wonderful (?!) horror story. I was baby sitting a family of 3. The house was a complete disaster when the parents left. Trash everywhere. The baby was literally crawling on the ground eating up all the shit. Cats and dogs ran around. Apparently I left at some point. Saw a cute chick and followed her and kissed her. Upon returning, the house is cleaner now but I don’t know if they were eating the trash or cleaning up. Maybe both. Then they are all running around in the backyard. The neighbors dogs begin attacking the cat and tear it apart but leave it alive. I yell at my loudest and they all run back inside. The neighbor comes over and says he is going to call the cops. I tell the kids to do the same. Inside the cat has blood literally gushing everywhere. I grab a roll of paper towels and the cat GRABS it and says thanks. The cat beings cleaning itself with it’s paws as if they were hands. When the cops arrive I tell them what happened and when I go back inside I can’t find the oldest kid. And then I see it. It is a tall creature with it’s left arm severed at the wrist. It’s eyes are oblong and solid dark back/green. Alien eyes. I know it is the boy and scream, “Oh my god…” and wake myself knowing instantly that I am the one to blame for it. There was a pocket knife I was holding throughout the dream but I don’t recall the details. Maybe I defended myself? There were other things too. Like someone trying to get in and hurt the kids? I don’t remember. But I believe in the dream if I had defended the kids, it would have actually been me harming them. I believe the dreamer’s memory (from within the dream) to have been faulty. HE was the one who was causing all the pain on everyone, all the while he was trying to find the culprit responsible. Fight club shit, basically.

Fucking terrifying.

So last night was interesting. It was the first time I didn’t explore the playa at night. There were two things I wanted to accomplish yesterday and I failed them both. One was to hear Kelsey play at 3pm, but I failed to realize the distance and was unable to make it in time. The other was the burning of an art piece. I was invited to dinner with some new neighbors and ended up staying and drinking all night. It was fun and I don’t regret it, but it was sad to realize the art piece was already a pyre upon arrival. It was a really nice fire but I had hoped to watch it from the beginning. At least I should be able to watch the Man burn tonight.

So I had that crazy fucking dream last night and near the end I wake up literally mouthing the words, “Oh my god. Oh my god,” and transitioned from the dream to waking state in a fluid movement. So I was saying that phrase in two states at once. But I fear that earlier in the dream I really did scream out loud when I was yelling at the top of my lungs. When I awoke, all of my neighbors were up and talking. That’s rare for everyone to be awake before sunrise. So it’s likely that I did cause a stir and woke everyone up. I hope everyone understands.

So that’s 3 nightmares here on the playa and they were all terrifying.

Oh shit, make that 4. I had another one just now but it wasn’t nearly as scary. Totally forgot about it. Actually, I am now remembering yet another dream, although that was no nightmare. One was like the movie It or Freddy Kreuger as people were being killed off one by one. We started as a group of 5 or 6, although I don’t recall the details now. In the other one it was my birthday and we were trying to get a nude picture of like 30 people. It was like a surprise nude part or something. I think it started with one dream then transitioned to the other.

It was a cool dream as I remember and nowhere near as frightening as the others.

Oh how I wish I could record dreams like that Final Fantasy movie. My dreams would make AMAZING short films or even movies. There is plot, suspense, mystery, progression, victory, defeat, triumph, pain, etc.

Maybe everyone’s are like that? In which case, maybe my dreams wouldn’t be as impressive.

That child/alien thing with the cut off wrist still haunts me. You’d have to see it, but it walked into frame from the right side and just stood with this blank face. Was creepy as fuck. And then some. I had to wake myself at that point because I could see where the dream was gonna go next and it was NOT something I wished to experience.

Well, two more days now. Gotta make it through tonight and tomorrow night and then it’s departure time. So close! But man has it gone fast. I couldn’t wait for it to be over when I first got here and now I am sad to leave.

Oh, I cried for the first time here after that disturbing dream. After I wrote about it I let some (not all) of it out in my tent. It helped calm me a little. Amazing how therapeutic crying can be. A cathartic release.

I’m fairly hungover at the moment, but not too much. People have been good to me here.

Oh yeah, so I got to play with the neighbors’ kid while they cooked dinner. We kicked a soccer ball back and forth and raced around their RV a few times. It was the first time I allowed myself to be joyful with a kid since Kayleigh. It was very beautiful. I’m grateful for the experience.

Speaking of Kayleigh, her name is to burn with the Temple in two days. I will undoubtedly cry my fucking soul out. THAT is an acceptable time to release. But not now.

My neighbors are having a giggle fit and it’s really cute. I wonder what the topic is?

Oh, so since I was pissed I missed the burning of the art piece I decided to drop off the rest of my PSYBER.cide CD’s. I left them at random locations throughout the city. We’ll see if it has any effect. I suppose the only way I’ll know is through my youtube or facebook accounts, although they will have to do some sleuthing to find them. Other than that, if people DO like it I will be oblivious. It still feels like it was the right thing to do though. I trust that they will reach the people who need to hear it.

I listened to my songs a few more times while here and I think they are really good. And it’s been a year since they were recorded. So either I’m delusional or simply sane. I’ll opt for the latter, thank you.

Austin mentioned that he could get me DMT. That’s the first time anyone’s ever told me that. He’s a really cool dude and I can see us being very close friends for a long time. We’ll have to keep in touch.

You get used to the heat and dust out here. The first 2 or 3 days I hated those aspects. Now I am in total acceptance.

It is what it is.

Just roll with it.

Austin has a really cool quote about the impermanence of experience that he came up with. I’ll have to ask him what it is again and write it down.

This shade structure is a god-send and I am very grateful to Austin and Dan for their assistance.

I’ve met so many amazing and talented individuals here. It’s been exhilarating and transformative. It hasn’t been exactly as I imagined it, but it’s been everything I’ve been needing.

Like a psychedelic trip: you don’t get what you want – you get what you need.

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