What if?

What if the universe is just a grand experiment?

I was raised to believe that not only were we here for a purpose, but that a distant being created us to perform this purpose.  This core belief has been with me since childhood and has brought me both great reward and great sorrow.

But it just dawned on me that this belief could be wrong. Maybe there’s no reason to our existence at all.  I’ve known this intellectually yet never grasped it emotionally.

So what does that mean if there’s absolutely no reason for ANY of this? That you are entirely in charge of your destiny.  No matter good or ill come your way, if you don’t steer the ship you won’t get anywhere.

And yet this seems to conflict with Taoism.  Isn’t the middle way optimal? A leaf on the wind as Wash would say?

I’ve personally found that path to be successful.  The best moments of my life were when I simply allowed beauty to unfold rather than force it. Yet many an entrepreneur have pathed their way to success.

So it seems there’s an ambiguity. Maybe it’s a case of all roads leading to Rome.

But what about murderers and rapists?  Would we call those paths viable? It’s not something most like to think about, let alone discuss.

According to Sam Harris our brains know what we are going to do before we are even consciously aware of it. So are we even in control of our destinies at all?

Maybe there are no solid answers to any of this in which case it’s no wonder our world is so fucked up! But maybe it’s the fuckedupness that brings beauty to it all.

I’ve long thought that an idealized version of Heaven would be Hell for me.  Sitting around with no pain, sorrow, anticipation, fear, seems like a bland experience to me.  After an eternity of pure bliss, would it still feel like anything?  Can the air feel itself?

But if this is all an experiment, then why the fuck aren’t we all living more perfect lives?  In all of us is the ability to create more love and joy in our lives, yet we continually sabotage ourselves in order to inflict pain. Somehow we are addicted to it and completely blind to it all at once.

Nature Is Art

I find it odd how often nature’s randomness can be more beautiful than our attempts to contrive it.  Like that sentence. I spent far too long on it rather than just speaking plainly. Yet, there is merit to finding the right opening.

There is beauty everywhere we look and yet we often don’t see it at all.  I find that odd too.

Sometimes I think I’m the only one who can see this oddness.

Most seem to just accept it. “It’s just the way things are around here.”

But why?

If you keep asking why enough eventually you’ll get to a point where answers cease.  Why is that?

We can’t describe color.  “Red is… reddish?”

Or sight to a blind person.

Music to a deaf person.

These are more than just concepts that can be articulated by the brain.

They must really exist outside of us.

Or something.


I just recently started getting into deadmau5.  I’m not a huge fan of EDM but some of it is cool. I do like instrumental compositions though which is probably why I can appreciate it.

When I was younger I ignored most music outside of rock and metal but lately I’ve been intentionally branching out to expand my musical repertoire.

I’ve been writing and playing music more frequently and I’m trying to incorporate new sounds into my shit. For whatever reason, EDM is making an impact on me.  That probably has a lot to do with preparation for Burning Man as that’s likely all I’ll be hearing when I’m there.